Defective Habit 4: Think Win-Lose
See life as a vicious competition. Your classmate is out to get you, so you'd better get him or her first. Don't let anyone else succeed at anything because, remember, if they win, you lose. If it looks like you're going to lose, however, make sure you drag that sucker down with you.
-The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
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What is winning? What is losing? How do you know if you're fighting over something already? How can you know you're better than somebody? When do you know if the battle is over? How do you tell if you already won? What do you do if you lose? What will you give up in order to win? Have you ever lost? Have you ever felt what it is like to have the upper hand? Well, I don't really have the anwers for these questions, but you may get something from the story for today. It is a story of a guy who blames everything for his loss.
Let us now look and ridicule his over exaggerated story.
He has always wondered why people tend to avoid people they reject. He has always wondered why she said everything will remain the same, but the opposite happened. It wasn't the 'rejection' part that hurt hurts him. It's the 'avoiding' part. He never wanted to be accepted. He just wanted to be treated like he exists. In his perspective, he's the loser.
He tried to get her attention, but she has never taken notice of him. She has always paid attention to the other guy, even if the other guy just stay quiet in a corner. Well, the other guy does have the upper hand. It wasn't the 'she-likes-him-more-than-me' part that hurts him. It's the 'not-noticing' part. He never wanted to be loved back. He just wanted her to care. In his perspective, he's the loser.
He has always been stupid. He has always compared himself with the other guy, and so he came up with this:
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Him
-She always stares at him.
Me
-She can't look straight in my eye.
Him
-She tries hard just to get closer to him.
Me
-She avoids all forms of contact with me.
Him
-She always starts her conversation.
Me
-She doesn't talk to me at all.
Him
-She enjoys it when everyone is teasing them both.
Me
-She stops everyone when the jokes involve me and her.
Him
-He is the subject of her every sentence.
Me
-She doesn't talk about me.
Him
-She gets mad at his slightest mistake because every single thing he does matters to her.
Me
-She laughs at her every joke.
Him
-She pretends she doesn't hear any joke from me.
Him
-She tries to befriend his friends.
Me
-She doesn't care about my friends.
Him
-She lets him remain in her contact list.
Me
-She removes me in her contact list.
Him
-She composes literary pieces about him, both intimate and constructively criticizing.
Me
-She makes effortless one-liner negative criticisms about me.
Him
-She gets curious about all the things related to him.
Me
-She was never curious.
Him
-She calls him by his nickname or codename.
Me
-She calls me in any name that suits her comfort.
Him
-She asks senseless questions to get his attention.
Me
-She doesn't ask me anything at all because she never wanted my attention in the first place.
Him
-She fixes her hair whenever he's around.
Me
-She doesn't care when I'm around.
Him
-She looks at him whenever his name is mentioned.
Me
-She pretends as if my name wasn't mentioned at all.
Him
-She tries to move closer to his seat.
Me
-She tries to move far away from my seat.
Him
-She searches for his face in ever crowd.
Me
-She then hopes I'm NOT in the crowd.
Him
-She pretends not to care for him so he will take notice of her.
Me
-She doesn't care about me at all.
Him
-She gives hints about her feelings towards him, but never directly.
Me
-She has no hint to give because she has no feelings for me.
Him
-She goes wherever he goes.
Me
-She goes in the direction opposite mine.
Him
-She likes everything he likes.
Me
-She hates everything I like.
Him
-She says she gives up to make him realize his fault.
Me
-She has nothing to give up.
Him
-Her life revolves around him.
Me
-I'm not a part of her life.
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Do you think what he did is right? You can't just observe and compare people like they're test subjects for an experiment. But I'm not saying that what he did is plain wrong. He has his side and she has hers. The girl probably wanted to hurt him honestly, and by doing she won't make a fool of him. The guy must probably be just too weak and unprepared for that.
Face it. You lost. That's the bitter truth of life. Sometimes we win, most of the time, we lose. One minute you're on top, the next time you'll realize that you're already down on the ground. What goes up has got to fall. Complaining about your defeat will get you nowhere.
Geez, what a sore loser. He can't even accept the truth like a man. Winning isn't everything. It's our losses that make us stronger. Just be yourself. There's always going to be someone better than you. You can never be the best, but do better anyways.
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"Now remember: When things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is."
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"Whoever kills the most people wins the war. That doesn't sound like anyone ends up winning at all."
-The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
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